Well, it's been a while since I posted more than a cute pic. I'm doing
alright at the moment. I had a rough weekend with the anxiety, but I'm
getting better. I'm learning to balance out things I should worry about,
and what I shouldn't worry about. I'm also trying to get a better handle
on my depression. It helps that I'm finally getting it though my skull
that my friends won't be leaving me just because I'm sad/anxious. Yeah,
I know...silly fox.
I'm still working my way up to a maintainance dose on the Seroquel, tonight
I start taking 200mg (aka the target dose). I think it's helping, even
when the anxiety is bad, I seem to be more functional without hitting the
Xanax. This is a good thing. I go back to see the doctor next week, we'll
see what she thinks.
Not alot else going on. I've been trying to be social on the weekends,
last weekend I saw 'Alice in Wonderland', which was alright. I didn't
enjoy it as much as my friends. Probably didn't help I was in one of my
anxiety moods. Saturday was Irish Fest, and Sunday I spent at home vegging
out and watching 'Two and a Half Men' episodes. Today was work, not a great
day but not really bad either.
Now I'm at home, watching history shows on TV. I'm on call this week, which
isn't fun. But I'm hoping it will be a quiet week. *crosses tentacles*
Hope you all are doing good, and I'll try to be less quiet. *wave*
Greyhound rescue who was at the local Irish Fest. Very friendly puppy.
One of the best parts of Irish Fest is making friends with the assorted
critters from the rescue organizations in the area. Last year was a
border collie, this year it's greyhounds. I'm not a big dog person, but I
do like them. Much like how I like kids, play with them, then send them
home with their people :)
Well, it's time for another edition of 'What the Fox's pshrink said today.'
I went in today, I've still been having anxiety spikes and emotional jags.
So we're taking me off the Abilify and trying a new drug, Seroquel. This
should help with sleep, as well as depression and anxiety. If it works
as planned, I'll be able to cut the Ambien out for sleep use as well.
So I'm trying to be hopeful. It's hard to not feel a little down, I know
the meds take a while to find a working balance...but knowing that and
surviving it day by day is kinda hard. I haven't give up. I'm not going
to give up. As always, any spare prayers or good thoughts will be very
much appreciated.
...another short update. Been a up and down week. Mom had a bronchial
infection and has had alot of issues. She's getting better, but still
not close to 100%. I've been still having anxiety and depression issues.
I go back to the doc on Tuesday, lets see what we come up with this time.
I honestly think it's the Abilify I'm on. We'll see what the doc thinks.
I know it can take a long while to get things sorted out with the meds,
and I'm trying really hard to keep having hope. But part of me wants to
give up. I'd at least be saving money. *sigh*
Been social this weekend, last night was a friend's bday party. Today
I was moral support at a funeral, then went to the geek version of a
wake. Socialness, it is good. Too bad I run out of steam about 10pm.
Only reason I'm still up is I'm writing this, and I'm hoping to sleep in a
bit tomorrow. Tomorrow my plans are to run to the store for Mom, then
go hang out with Amythest. Do
laundry, watch TV, fun stuff.
So, yeah...not alot of change. The anxiety is a little better, but it's
harder to keep a positive spin on things. I know it will get better, but
until then it's taking most of my energy to keep afloat. At least I have
friends who like me around, and ferrets who poing and books to hide in
when I can't handle the real world.
Ok, enough rambling. Bed is calling collect. Goodnight all, and may
Cthulhu give you interesting dreams.
Just because I haven't posted in a long while, and I know there are people
who worry. I'm ok. Not great, but not as bad as it could be. This has
been a hard week, but I survived it. Now to have a good weekend, and
hopefully next week will be easier for me. A fox can dream. Please do
keep up the good thoughts/prayers/energy, I still need it. But I think
I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Still a while away, but I'm finding
hope...and hope is what I need to hold on to.
Today I dropped off
Amythest's ferrets, they've been
staying with me during the move. Gonna miss them, even though doubling
the ferrets seemed to quadruple the poo. Hope my two don't miss them too
much. Last thing I need are depressed ferrets.
I've got a feeling I'm going to be kind of quiet on LJ for a while. Between
the anxiety foo, work, and a general feeling that I'm just saying the same
thing over and over again, I don't really feel like posting. Don't worry,
I'm not going far. I'll still be reading, and if my mood or energy level
perks up some, I'll probably write more. I just feel like all I talk about
is being down, or anxious. I promise, if something big happens, I'll post.
But just, understand it's hard for me right now. So, I'll be back.
Well, got my digital cable installed. Good news, it works. Bad news,
I was confused on the order, and I don't have DVR service. Which is
kind of frustrating. But I assumed, and didn't ask. Oh well.
Had a fairly stressful day at work, not super bad, but it didn't help
things. But I've had worse days too. Hope tomorrow is less stressful,
but since I have to stay later than usual for a firewall swap, it probably
will be stressful. Oh well, I'll deal with it.
On the plus side of life, got my tax foo in and did my taxes...and for once,
I don't owe. I get a return. A whole $1.75. Yeah, not even two bucks,
but I don't owe...so trying to be positive.
That's about all I got, going to watch TV and see how tonight goes.
From an email I wrote today, since I can't get the brains in gear enough to
be creative...
The last few weeks my anxiety has been spiking. Some of it is work, some
of it was helping with the Amythest
move, but some of it has no rational.
Just anxiety spikes, and the xanax was not helping enough. Called the Doc
today, and was told to up one of my meds (Abilify) and see if that helped.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and I'm asking for any good thoughts,
prayers, crossed fingers, understanding if I seem more basketcasey than
usual. I really hope this helps, but I'm more than mildly scared that it
won't. Thanks for listening.
Another long day so far, been alternating anxiety and moodyness. I'm thinking
I'm going to call the doc next week if this doesn't wind down by then.
Maybe I need something more for the anxiety. Xanax helps, but I don't know
if it's helping enough.
Not much else going on, work is slow. Spent last night watching episodes
of Supernatural and playing with ferrets. The horde is still getting along
well. Whiskey is being a bit more aggressive than usual, but I think he's
feeling a little jealous of the new feezles. But he doesn't seem to pick
on his fellow feezles when they're in the cage, so it just might be him
playing rough. We'll see how they play tonight.
Not much else going on. Hoping today goes by fairly quickly. Take care.
Well, my long day is over. What a day. But, I'm focusing on the good,
I fixed a firewall issue without having to ask for help. I also fixed a
password issue on a customer's load balancer, and worked on another customer's
onsite firewall. Got out of work on time, survived the drive home in the
rain. Come home, reboot the modem and router and hurrah, I have internets
again. Now I'm trying to get the energy levels up a bit so I don't fall
asleep at my desk. *yawn*
Mood is better, not great but better. I'm not as overly emotional as I
was earlier, but now the anxiety is twitching a little. So, trying to
fight it off with Supernatural episodes and chatting with friends. Wish
me luck :)
Oh, almost forgot. I am now the proud landlord of 4 ferrets (temporarily).
Amythest's 2 are staying with me
during her move, I brought them home last night and introduced them to my
two. And they got along good, played well, no waking me up in the middle
of the night with ferret squables. Yay for feezles. I'll be letting them
out to play in a little bit. That will help my mood I think, ferret
rambles rock.
Been sick for two days, come back to a pair of crisis, once of which means I have drive to a customer site. Cable's out at home, at least the internet part of it. Not having a good day. *sigh* Can I haz a break please.
Well, I have to wait on digital cable another week. I got a call while
I was waiting on the cable guy and I get a call from the installer...to
verify my appointment for tomorrow. Umm, what ? Cable installer is a
contractor, so he really can't answer my questions of WTF, but at least
he was honest to say the chances of getting someone out today was slim to
none. Called TWC, got some customer service rep, and they have no record
of an install for today, everything says Wednesday. So either I'm on crack
(a possibility) or the sales weasel last week fscked up (a probability).
And due to busy scheduled week, tomorrow will not work. Nor will the rest
of the week. So I rescheduled for next Tuesday. *sigh* Oh well, hopefully
this is all worth the headaches.
I had a fairly nutty dream last night, nutty but good. I was in a
combination Ren Faire/Sideshow doing a target shooting/trick shooting
show...with flintlocks. Travelling show, we were either in Phoenix, then
going to DFW then New Orleans, or in New Orleans, then going to DFW, then
Phoenix. Either way, I was happy to be going back to DFW to see my friends.
Woke up from that dream about 5am, and I really wanted to get back to it,
but no luck...still, was a better dream than most I've had this last few
weeks.
Well, it's back to work, and I'm not doing my best. Not really depressed
or anxous today, just tired as heck from working all weekend, the only
real decompression time I had was Friday night. Anxiety did decide to
spike up yesterday, but that's what the happy pills (and friend hugs) are
for. I've been overly emotional today, but like I said, it's not depression.
This is just being out of energy. So, I'm going to do the minimum tonight
I have to, and curl up with a good book. No idea what book yet, but I'll
find something. Now to just get though today in one piece.
So, in summary...I'm zonked, I'm not anxious much, I'm not depressed. I am
highly emotional though, I teared up writing a friend an email, and had a
small breakdown while on the phone with Mom. I'm guessing it's just
exhaustion talking though. I hope it is. Other than that, I'm at work,
it's a fairly quiet day that's going by at a decent rate of speed. Hopefully
the rest of the day is decent. *crosses tentacles*
Well, I had a couple of posts vanish into the ether today. Silly computers.
Spent the day painting, now I'm home and very tired. Watching 'I,
Claudius', once this episode is over I'm going to go crawl into bed and
sack out. I'm a tired tired puppy. But, all in all I'm in a better
mood than the last little while. I'll take good moods whenever I can.
Night all, babble at you later.
Got a call from Time Warner cable, offering me an upgrade to digital cable,
DVR, and faster internets for about $10 less a month than my current bill.
So yeah, I got that in a hurry. So next Tuesday night I'll be upgraded
to fancy-smancy new stuff. Now to clean out my multimedia rack like I've
been meaning to over the weekend. :)
Yay Friday. :) Half way done with the work day, and so far so alright.
Still waking up at 5am, but either I'm getting used to it, or I'm going back
to sleep faster than I think. Been working on backups again, this time
configuring Rancid to backup the firewalls as well as switches and routers.
Wasn't hard, but kind of tedious.
Not alot else...hoping today finishes out nice and quite. *crosses tentacles*
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}